New Phone? Nahh!

Because with the present one I am enjoying a nonchalance that will be taken away, once I get a new smart phone.

img_20160907_201545On a glorious day called 27 October, 2014 I got my first phone (No, I don’t have a good memory, I have got the receipt because duh! It was a glorious day). Oh! No, no it wasn’t all fairy-tale. I HAD TO SWELL MY EYES OUT FOR THIS ONE. Because come on! You don’t get things easily if you are the always-agreeing-with-whatever-your-parents -say kind of brat. Even, after doing considerably well (Very well! I will just keep this to me. *whispers* I don’t want all the other kids to be struck by thunderbolt attack) in high school, I had no phone while all my other homies did even in high school, one of the many reasons why I did well in back then.

I took care of it like it was my own baby. Keeping it clean, organised, changing the wallpaper, giving it a new look every now and then; showing it off every goddamn time pretending that I got a WhatsApp text even though I didn’t have the mobile data.

So, it was a big deal for me until the spoiling me for all the evil in the world tried sky diving without a parachute and ended up with an open skull. Ever since then it has been the same (and worst. Fell off for the millionth time this morning. Just saying) and even though I am told every day of my life to get it repaired or replaced, I haven’t. Partly because I am used to it and mostly because it brings a sense of nonchalance that will be replaced by responsibility and who the heck wants a R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-L-I-T-Y.

Let me give you the insight of nonchalant behavior I have with my phone. When I am done with all the texting or the battery dies or I just had an ugly conversation with my friend, I throw it like a pro Olympic Gold Medalist. And it never gives me even a heart ache. Forget heart attack. Do you think I could do this with the newbie?

img_20160907_202242Also, with the ACTUAL screen all broken and the twinkling shine all gone, I really don’t have to care how it from inside is. How icons are placed, the wallpaper, the widgets, the pictures and folders… Who cares? The view from outside makes it clear enough how it would be from inside. Saves me all the trouble in the world.

Horror of horrors! The most dreaded of all! The new phone will be like a brat kid who needs to be taught and fed with every update of apps and my way of dealing with a phone. Who has got so much time? Also, new phone means I will spend way more time than usual on that tiny screen because everything will look so perfect *_*.

How can we forget the most common problem and dilemma when we have to decide on buying a new one? Settling for the old one means I don’t have to go through the troublesome analysis of which one has the better RAM and processor (Yes, I know what they are). The mega pixels of front camera (mind you not the back one), battery life, etc, etc; so much of a headache when the present one works so fine. No, thank you.

img_20160907_201505There are hundreds and thousands of new phones with something or other as a new feature in them being launched every day. What if I buy a new phone and months later someone I know buys the better one with the feature that helps you teleport, do you really want me to go through that? Aren’t you familiar with the burning of organs when that happens? Being with this phone for this long has made me resistant of that burning sensation. S-U-C-C-E-S-S!

On the closure I would just add that, I refuse to buy a new phone unless the present one turns into a howler from the Harry Potter and screams right at my face, “The new WhatsApp update cannot be installed because this oldie has the Android that not even your granny uses. Update or buy the new phone!”

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IMG_20160904_185355If you don’t know yet, you can now follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to get a sneak peek of what is going on with me. Also, this brat wants to get noticed.

Facebook: https://facebook.com/anjaliisonii

Instagram: https://instagram.com/anjaliisonii

Twitter: https://twitter.com/anjaliisonii

 

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My Relationship with WiFi

No, not just any WiFi, the one particularly at home. Because this little modem right over here, has been in the house even before I was eligible to make a Facebook profile.

I don’t know about you, ‘kay? May be you use cellular data or the WiFi of your neighbors or the dongle thing. Or maybe you don’t even have an internet connection. In which case, you wouldn’t be possibly reading this. So, shut up and accept it that you literally have your second home on street near a 4G tower. In fact, you spend way longer time there than your actual home.

But I, well, I have this modem step up in the house ruining every minute of my life because I have an access to internet all the time. And no, no, no, no, before you start having that awe expressions on your face, let me break it down for you.

I have the most complicated relationship with my WiFi. He makes me cry, he ruins my mood in a matter of seconds, he blames me for his breaking, aching signal strength and yet I cannot leave him. And mind you! *death stare* I am doing this for you all. I could have left him long ago, if it hadn’t been for you people. Because if I leave him, how am I supposed to log in to WordPress? And if I don’t log in to WordPress, how am I supposed to publish every day? Be thankful for what you’re receiving, you ungrateful brats.

Just kidding! You know how much I love you and also, I like those cute comments you all leave for me. Please don’t go away (Says in the most cheesy way possible).

Okay, okay, honesty hour everyone. I will be honest with you all. But, before that, please take a seat because what I am going to say now, will not be easy for you take it all in one go. Find yourself a comfortable chair and read on.

My WiFi *sniffs* *sniffs* Oh God! Why did you do this to him? My WiFi, he… He is… He is suffering from asthma!!! *Completely breaks down and starts crying like a maniac*

No, I am being honest. He was diagnosed with asthma few years ago. Since then, we have consulted so many technicians. Sometimes, there’s a problem in his wires, other times a screw is broken, the switch comes off and sometimes he needs a full body transformation. He needs the latest modem in the market. We have already spent so much on his treatment. Yet, every time the technician gives a false hope that he is going to be fine. Still, he is not cured. *Keeps crying this whole while and suddenly aggression takes over*

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That’s the reason he keeps losing the signal because that freako asthma patient needs to catch his breath every 30 seconds. While he catches his breath, I am here with my laptop refreshing the Google homepage and wasting 50 years of my soon to be 20 years of life, ensuring that there’s a stable connection established between the laptop and the WiFi.

You know what? Sometimes, I feel my laptop and the WiFi are like those moody couples who cannot decide on whether they want to be together or not. These two keep breaking up and patching up 175 times a day, ruining my memento of writing a great piece of work. I look so like a common friend who keeps grinding between the two, ‘kay? I go to the modem, switching it off then turning on, waiting for it to fully gain it’s common sense to accept that he did it wrong. I stand there giving a moral boost up to him, “You can do it!! Come on! You can go and apologize; you have all the three lights green, now.”

Then, I come back to my laptop, convincing her that WiFi won’t cheat on her ever again by getting connected to the smartphone. After everything is fine, these two are happily together and I get back to work, suddenly I don’t remember anymore what I was writing. These two stresses me out so much that I don’t remember the century I am living in.

Have a good time you two until the smartphone comes in between again! DO. NOT. COME. TO. ME. THEN.

This is it: The Story of Me and The Asthma Patient WiFi.

No matter how much I hate him, I cannot let go of him. I am addictive to him. He is my drug. No wait. Blogging is my drug that is the reason why I cannot let go him. I am going through so much pain to give you all post a day so make sure you click that like button and leave a nice comment letting me know if today’s rant made you smile or laugh? Or you kept a straight face throughout still you chose to read it all?

P.S. – If you truly feel for my WiFi, please give this post a like. Also, if you’re a truly generous person who believes in karma, please share this with your friends. For every like and share WordPress is going to donate 1$ for the treatment of my WiFi.

Keeping a cry-baby expression and a pathetic sympathetic look, I say, “Please, do this for my WiFi. He is the sole bread earner of a family of 7 children, 1 wife and his parents. He needs your likes and shares.” *Starts sobbing like a retard*

‘kay. Bye.

Types of Readers

Disclaimer: It is totally for fun purpose. Enjoy!

I know, I know today it’s been just 2 months of my blogging experience and I am no expert to make this list, but hey! I am an unqualified, unauthorized sociologist who observes people like a pro. So yeah, let me do the owner honor. (Nope, I didn’t do it on purpose. I had unconsciously written owner. Yeah, I am a genius.)

Let’s get started, shall we?

  • The Analyst

These readers are perfect analyst. They analysis the post like a professional person and comes to a conclusion within 5 milliseconds of reading the post. You know, right? How they do it? They will simply read the first and the last line of the article (Level 2.0 Analyst – they just read the first and last word). They will take a quick glance at the pictures, if included, and then they will make a kilometer long comment as if they have read the whole post. Dude, it’s been 2 minutes since I published the post and you have read the 1500 words post, already?

  • The Racing Liker

I feel we all have encountered this kind of reader at least once in our blogging journey. Here, I am sitting with my smartphone in hand, happily reading blog posts from around the world and suddenly my phone just won’t stop buzzing. You know why? Because apparently a brat, sitting on the other side of the hemisphere of the Earth, had a bet with his homie that he can like 1000 posts in 30 seconds. And I am here horrified, dropping my phone, running like an insane to hide under the bed because I feel my phone is now haunted.

  • The Silent Passerby

They are the busiest person in this whole Milky Way galaxy. They ain’t got time, bae. They have Game of Thrones to catch up, they have NBA matches to watch, they have 18 hours of sleep to take, they have entire GTA 4 to finish, they need to fix their winged eyeliner and they have got 10 kg of food to finish. You get it, right? They are so busy, yet they are also generous enough to go through the WordPress feed. And what they do? Nothing! May be they are too shy or conscious of what they say, so they do nothing except for scrolling, reading, scrolling, reading, some more scrolling…. Forget re-blogging, no liking, no commenting, no sign of acknowledgement for the amazing work we all do. They only exist on their own blog, nowhere else.

This takes us to:

  • The Royal Grammar Professor

Very much similar to the silent passerby, except that they are too proud of their own work that they feel no other blog is worthy of their valuable likes and comment. Yes, your Highness, we ain’t descendants of Shakespeare like you. They have this thought every time they read someone’s post, ‘I could have done way better work than this’, ‘Huh! I have written about this ages ago’, ‘Do you really call this a writer’s work?’, ‘Buddy, you need to take Grammar classes’.

But when they do comment, it is the most critical comment you will ever read; 50 points on grammar correction, 74 on the flow of content, 97 on how pathetically you have written it. Sir, the best seller author is crying in some corner and has stopped publishing after reading your review. Thank you so much.

  • The Judgmental Headline

This is the reader who never scored more than 7 in a test of 100 because all he mugged up was the name of the chapter. This one just reads the headline and formulates the most detailed presumptions about the post. There he found an article titled My Best Friend and without thinking for a second he commented, ‘Best Friends are so important. We can shop, go movie, hit a road and do so much with them’. And the author there is confused thinking, “Shopping with my dog? Does he want me to sound insane trying on outfits and getting an opinion from my dog?”

  • The Art Lover

Now, this can be any kind of art lover. May be the photographs or may be the painting. All this person looks for in a post is pictures. He doesn’t bother himself with the contents. He will see the most beautifully taken/ drawn pictures and He cannot stop himself from admiring it. These Art Lovers find pleasure only in the art, nothing else

He sees a picture of old- styled, royal mansion near a waterfall with giant mountains in the background. He loved it so much and thought of letting the author know about it. He commented, “The most beautiful picture ever seen. I could live there forever.” And what did the author reply?

“Honestly? I just mentioned that when I went there with my family, my arm was broken, dad fell on his belly from the staircase, mum was bitten by spiders thrice and my sister is in shock because she saw a ghost. Do you really want to live there?”

  • The Secret Admirer 

Finally, the secret admirer – they are the ones who will read each and every post you have ever written, even the ones that you wrote ten years ago. They will go through every detail. And they will love your work so much so that they won’t tell you. No likes, no comments, no sign of admiration. Unless one day, out of blue you decide to check your mails and there you find this particular one sent 6 months ago. That mail took you two days to read because apparently the secret admirer have written 10 lines for each of your post and a conclusion of a meter long. Gracious, secret admirer from hell.

~***~

This post, as I have already mentioned, is totally for the fun purpose. It is nothing but my attempt on trying humor to make you all smile (because to make someone laugh is not in my resume). I truly appreciate each and every one of you, who reads my blog and never forgets to let me know that I have done a good work. Thank you to all my readers. I truly, with all my heart and soul, appreciate you all.IMG_20160701_175429.jpg