No, not just any WiFi, the one particularly at home. Because this little modem right over here, has been in the house even before I was eligible to make a Facebook profile.
I don’t know about you, ‘kay? May be you use cellular data or the WiFi of your neighbors or the dongle thing. Or maybe you don’t even have an internet connection. In which case, you wouldn’t be possibly reading this. So, shut up and accept it that you literally have your second home on street near a 4G tower. In fact, you spend way longer time there than your actual home.
But I, well, I have this modem step up in the house ruining every minute of my life because I have an access to internet all the time. And no, no, no, no, before you start having that awe expressions on your face, let me break it down for you.
I have the most complicated relationship with my WiFi. He makes me cry, he ruins my mood in a matter of seconds, he blames me for his breaking, aching signal strength and yet I cannot leave him. And mind you! *death stare* I am doing this for you all. I could have left him long ago, if it hadn’t been for you people. Because if I leave him, how am I supposed to log in to WordPress? And if I don’t log in to WordPress, how am I supposed to publish every day? Be thankful for what you’re receiving, you ungrateful brats.
Just kidding! You know how much I love you and also, I like those cute comments you all leave for me. Please don’t go away (Says in the most cheesy way possible).
Okay, okay, honesty hour everyone. I will be honest with you all. But, before that, please take a seat because what I am going to say now, will not be easy for you take it all in one go. Find yourself a comfortable chair and read on.
My WiFi *sniffs* *sniffs* Oh God! Why did you do this to him? My WiFi, he… He is… He is suffering from asthma!!! *Completely breaks down and starts crying like a maniac*
No, I am being honest. He was diagnosed with asthma few years ago. Since then, we have consulted so many technicians. Sometimes, there’s a problem in his wires, other times a screw is broken, the switch comes off and sometimes he needs a full body transformation. He needs the latest modem in the market. We have already spent so much on his treatment. Yet, every time the technician gives a false hope that he is going to be fine. Still, he is not cured. *Keeps crying this whole while and suddenly aggression takes over*
That’s the reason he keeps losing the signal because that freako asthma patient needs to catch his breath every 30 seconds. While he catches his breath, I am here with my laptop refreshing the Google homepage and wasting 50 years of my soon to be 20 years of life, ensuring that there’s a stable connection established between the laptop and the WiFi.
You know what? Sometimes, I feel my laptop and the WiFi are like those moody couples who cannot decide on whether they want to be together or not. These two keep breaking up and patching up 175 times a day, ruining my memento of writing a great piece of work. I look so like a common friend who keeps grinding between the two, ‘kay? I go to the modem, switching it off then turning on, waiting for it to fully gain it’s common sense to accept that he did it wrong. I stand there giving a moral boost up to him, “You can do it!! Come on! You can go and apologize; you have all the three lights green, now.”
Then, I come back to my laptop, convincing her that WiFi won’t cheat on her ever again by getting connected to the smartphone. After everything is fine, these two are happily together and I get back to work, suddenly I don’t remember anymore what I was writing. These two stresses me out so much that I don’t remember the century I am living in.
Have a good time you two until the smartphone comes in between again! DO. NOT. COME. TO. ME. THEN.
This is it: The Story of Me and The Asthma Patient WiFi.
No matter how much I hate him, I cannot let go of him. I am addictive to him. He is my drug. No wait. Blogging is my drug that is the reason why I cannot let go him. I am going through so much pain to give you all post a day so make sure you click that like button and leave a nice comment letting me know if today’s rant made you smile or laugh? Or you kept a straight face throughout still you chose to read it all?
P.S. – If you truly feel for my WiFi, please give this post a like. Also, if you’re a truly generous person who believes in karma, please share this with your friends. For every like and share WordPress is going to donate 1$ for the treatment of my WiFi.
Keeping a cry-baby expression and a pathetic sympathetic look, I say, “Please, do this for my WiFi. He is the sole bread earner of a family of 7 children, 1 wife and his parents. He needs your likes and shares.” *Starts sobbing like a retard*