My Relationship with WiFi

No, not just any WiFi, the one particularly at home. Because this little modem right over here, has been in the house even before I was eligible to make a Facebook profile.

I don’t know about you, ‘kay? May be you use cellular data or the WiFi of your neighbors or the dongle thing. Or maybe you don’t even have an internet connection. In which case, you wouldn’t be possibly reading this. So, shut up and accept it that you literally have your second home on street near a 4G tower. In fact, you spend way longer time there than your actual home.

But I, well, I have this modem step up in the house ruining every minute of my life because I have an access to internet all the time. And no, no, no, no, before you start having that awe expressions on your face, let me break it down for you.

I have the most complicated relationship with my WiFi. He makes me cry, he ruins my mood in a matter of seconds, he blames me for his breaking, aching signal strength and yet I cannot leave him. And mind you! *death stare* I am doing this for you all. I could have left him long ago, if it hadn’t been for you people. Because if I leave him, how am I supposed to log in to WordPress? And if I don’t log in to WordPress, how am I supposed to publish every day? Be thankful for what you’re receiving, you ungrateful brats.

Just kidding! You know how much I love you and also, I like those cute comments you all leave for me. Please don’t go away (Says in the most cheesy way possible).

Okay, okay, honesty hour everyone. I will be honest with you all. But, before that, please take a seat because what I am going to say now, will not be easy for you take it all in one go. Find yourself a comfortable chair and read on.

My WiFi *sniffs* *sniffs* Oh God! Why did you do this to him? My WiFi, he… He is… He is suffering from asthma!!! *Completely breaks down and starts crying like a maniac*

No, I am being honest. He was diagnosed with asthma few years ago. Since then, we have consulted so many technicians. Sometimes, there’s a problem in his wires, other times a screw is broken, the switch comes off and sometimes he needs a full body transformation. He needs the latest modem in the market. We have already spent so much on his treatment. Yet, every time the technician gives a falseΒ hope that he is going to be fine.Β Still, he is not cured. *Keeps crying this whole while and suddenly aggression takes over*

IMG_20160722_155826

That’s the reason he keeps losing the signal because that freako asthma patient needs to catch his breath every 30 seconds. While he catches his breath, I am here with my laptop refreshing the Google homepage and wasting 50 years of my soon to be 20 years of life, ensuring that there’s a stable connection established between the laptop and the WiFi.

You know what? Sometimes, I feel my laptop and the WiFi are like those moody couples who cannot decide on whether they want to be together or not. These two keep breaking up and patching up 175 times a day, ruining my memento of writing a great piece of work. I look so like a common friend who keeps grinding between the two, ‘kay? I go to the modem, switching it off then turning on, waiting for it to fully gain it’s common sense to accept that he did it wrong. I stand there giving a moral boost up to him, “You can do it!! Come on! You can go and apologize; you have all the three lights green, now.”

Then, I come back to my laptop, convincing her that WiFi won’t cheat on her ever again by getting connected to the smartphone. After everything is fine, these two are happily together and I get back to work, suddenly I don’t remember anymore what I was writing. These two stresses me out so much that I don’t remember the century I am living in.

Have a good time you two until the smartphone comes in between again! DO. NOT. COME. TO. ME. THEN.

This is it: The Story of Me and The Asthma Patient WiFi.

No matter how much I hate him, I cannot let go of him. I am addictive to him. He is my drug. No wait. Blogging is my drug that is the reason why I cannot let go him. I am going through so much pain to give you all post a day so make sure you click that like button and leave a nice comment letting me know if today’s rant made you smile or laugh? Or you kept a straight face throughout still you chose to read it all?

P.S. – If you truly feel for my WiFi, please give this post a like. Also, if you’re a truly generous person who believes in karma, please share this with your friends. For every like and share WordPress is going to donate 1$ for the treatment of my WiFi.

Keeping a cry-baby expression and a pathetic sympathetic look, I say, “Please, do this for my WiFi. He is the sole bread earner of a family of 7 children, 1 wife and his parents. He needs your likes and shares.” *Starts sobbing like a retard*

‘kay. Bye.

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41 thoughts on “My Relationship with WiFi

  1. Haha… Similar problem here too brother. I try to upload photos on my blog, and that loading symbol keeps rotating and rotating infinitely!
    And, hey, since you are almost 20, you are my younger twin dude.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahah! Still a twin is a twin! That uploading photo one is such a pain in the neck. I didn’t do a full rant otherwise it would have took a whole day to describe it in detail. xD

    Like

  3. Haha… The problem is similar with my wifi too. But the attending doctor of my wifi never turns up, literally. We have to wait until all modems in our area gets faulty for the guy to come and attend. 😜 Pray for the good health of ur wifi because reading has never been so fun, thanks to ur posts. Continue to upload ur post, please somehow.. Yes, I have hit the like button. πŸ˜‡
    Hint: Try doing a pooja….πŸ™ 😜

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hahaha! Thank you so much!
    I guess it’s the last thing I’ll have to try to get my WiFi functional. I’ll have to donate 11 cows, feed 21 brahmins and do a ‘nirjala upwaas’ for a day. May be that will work xD

    Liked by 2 people

  5. “Na Kuchh Kar Sake To Dua Hum Karenge” from the song Mera Mehbooba of Pardes… Was literally listening to this song. I have nothing else to say other the quoted lyric. πŸ˜‚
    PS: I hope you know hindi. πŸ˜€πŸ™

    Like

  6. Haha!..”Na Kuchh Kar Sake To Dua Hum Karenge” from the song Mera Mehbooba of Pardes… Was literally listening to this song. I have nothing else to say other than the quoted lyric. πŸ˜‚
    PS: I hope you know hindi. πŸ˜€πŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey i have nominated you for 3 day quote challenge.It is no obligation but if you want to be a game for it you are welcome.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hahah. I really felt entertained here.
    Could relate to this quite a lot. Wifi is more like a substitute to oxygen these days.
    I have not read just this but the posts before to at your blog..
    Do you have an email address, facebook page/user dear?
    If you wouldn’t mind us sharing a word. ☺ – Cezane

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hello Phoenix, you really made me smile today. In my house its similar… when the Wifi its not working everyone freak out. When we go for holiday, do you know what is the most important thing for my kids? That the hotel has good wifi conection. I am having hard time to take the kids away from anything electronic. Its good to have time just with the nature. Have you tried to write in Microsoft Word and just copy and paste… no need to be online all the time…Have a wonderful weekend :-)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hahaha! I’m glad to make you smile! :’)
    The WiFi has become the primary need of today’s time. Most of us cannot stay away from getting the update from around the world. Being away from Internet so feels like being left out. Though, I truly agree, taking time off from the world online and getting closer to what’s offline is a great detox.
    I guess, I’ve become habitual of writing directly through WordPress editor, that’s the reason I don’t feel the need of MS Word. It will come handy in the days, when I have no other option.
    Or may be from next month, when I’ll be limiting my posts, Microsoft Word may come handy. Thank you for the suggestion and letting me know of your thoughts.
    And also, I really had a great weekend! xD

    Like

  11. The pain is more or less the same with everyone. I had checked your blog awhile ago. Though, admittedly and regretfully I don’t remember if I had let you know or not. Pardon me, please. I liked your art
    article on embracing the embarrassing moments. It is a really helpful guide. I would suggest that you should write more frequently, like once a week. But if it is too much for you then you should consider writing 2 a month at least. Rest all, I liked your blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thanks alot! Yeah I would have to rather admit I don’t write that frequently, though I would consider the frequency of posting you suggested. It’s quite reasonable. I shall put it in effect immediately : ) Thanks alot for going through!

    Like

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