Types of Readers

Disclaimer: It is totally for fun purpose. Enjoy!

I know, I know today it’s been just 2 months of my blogging experience and I am no expert to make this list, but hey! I am an unqualified, unauthorized sociologist who observes people like a pro. So yeah, let me do the owner honor. (Nope, I didn’t do it on purpose. I had unconsciously written owner. Yeah, I am a genius.)

Let’s get started, shall we?

• The Analyst

These readers are perfect analyst. They analysis the post like a professional person and comes to a conclusion within 5 milliseconds of reading the post. You know, right? How they do it? They will simply read the first and the last line of the article (Level 2.0 Analyst – they just read the first and last word). They will take a quick glance at the pictures, if included, and then they will make a kilometer long comment as if they have read the whole post. Dude, it’s been 2 minutes since I published the post and you have read the 1500 words post, already?

• The Racing Liker

I feel we all have encountered this kind of reader at least once in our blogging journey. Here, I am sitting with my smartphone in hand, happily reading blog posts from around the world and suddenly my phone just won’t stop buzzing. You know why? Because apparently a brat, sitting on the other side of the hemisphere of the Earth, had a bet with his homie that he can like 1000 posts in 30 seconds. And I am here horrified, dropping my phone, running like an insane to hide under the bed because I feel my phone is now haunted.

• The Silent Passerby

They are the busiest person in this whole Milky Way galaxy. They ain’t got time, bae. They have Game of Thrones to catch up, they have NBA matches to watch, they have 18 hours of sleep to take, they have entire GTA 4 to finish, they need to fix their winged eyeliner and they have got 10 kg of food to finish. You get it, right? They are so busy, yet they are also generous enough to go through the WordPress feed. And what they do? Nothing! May be they are too shy or conscious of what they say, so they do nothing except for scrolling, reading, scrolling, reading, some more scrolling…. Forget re-blogging, no liking, no commenting, no sign of acknowledgement for the amazing work we all do. They only exist on their own blog, nowhere else.

This takes us to:

• The Royal Grammar Professor

Very much similar to the silent passerby, except that they are too proud of their own work that they feel no other blog is worthy of their valuable likes and comment. Yes, your Highness, we ain’t descendants of Shakespeare like you. They have this thought every time they read someone’s post, ‘I could have done way better work than this’, ‘Huh! I have written about this ages ago’, ‘Do you really call this a writer’s work?’, ‘Buddy, you need to take Grammar classes’.

But when they do comment, it is the most critical comment you will ever read; 50 points on grammar correction, 74 on the flow of content, 97 on how pathetically you have written it. Sir, the best seller author is crying in some corner and has stopped publishing after reading your review. Thank you so much.

• The Judgmental Headline

This is the reader who never scored more than 7 in a test of 100 because all he mugged up was the name of the chapter. This one just reads the headline and formulates the most detailed presumptions about the post. There he found an article titled My Best Friend and without thinking for a second he commented, ‘Best Friends are so important. We can shop, go movie, hit a road and do so much with them’. And the author there is confused thinking, “Shopping with my dog? Does he want me to sound insane trying on outfits and getting an opinion from my dog?”

• The Art Lover

Now, this can be any kind of art lover. May be the photographs or may be the painting. All this person looks for in a post is pictures. He doesn’t bother himself with the contents. He will see the most beautifully taken/ drawn pictures and He cannot stop himself from admiring it. These Art Lovers find pleasure only in the art, nothing else

He sees a picture of old- styled, royal mansion near a waterfall with giant mountains in the background. He loved it so much and thought of letting the author know about it. He commented, “The most beautiful picture ever seen. I could live there forever.” And what did the author reply?

“Honestly? I just mentioned that when I went there with my family, my arm was broken, dad fell on his belly from the staircase, mum was bitten by spiders thrice and my sister is in shock because she saw a ghost. Do you really want to live there?”

• The Secret Admirer 

Finally, the secret admirer – they are the ones who will read each and every post you have ever written, even the ones that you wrote ten years ago. They will go through every detail. And they will love your work so much so that they won’t tell you. No likes, no comments, no sign of admiration. Unless one day, out of blue you decide to check your mails and there you find this particular one sent 6 months ago. That mail took you two days to read because apparently the secret admirer have written 10 lines for each of your post and a conclusion of a meter long. Gracious, secret admirer from hell.

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This post, as I have already mentioned, is totally for the fun purpose. It is nothing but my attempt on trying humor to make you all smile (because to make someone laugh is not in my resume). I truly appreciate each and every one of you, who reads my blog and never forgets to let me know that I have done a good work. Thank you to all my readers. I truly, with all my heart and soul, appreciate you all.